Sunday, February 28, 2010

A Happy 49.2!


AARRGHH! THIS ROAST IS ON!!!

Well, dozens of friends, neighbors, relatives and co-workers showed up for the big 49.2 party Saturday night. The evening featured food, drinks and a roast, in which those brave souls here and others from afar shared a spirited ribbing..

At least I think it was all in jest ...

Anyway, I'll share some stories later, after I get some much needed sleep (and my rage quells). But since I grabbed Karen's and Angela's digital cards before they headed back home, I thought I would share a few pictures of a truly fantastic night...


MARY HAD THIS GIANT POSTER MADE, BASED ON THE OLD DEAN MARTIN "MAN OF THE HOUR" SHOW


WE MOVE A LOT OF FURNITURE TO THE BASEMENT TO CREATE THE ROAST SET ...


... THEN ADDED SOME PEOPLE LIKE DAVE AND DARCY SUTTON, MY DAD, ERNIE BROWN, AND MY BROTHER ERIC.


MY DAD ALSO SERVED AS MASTER OF CEREMONIES.


MY SISTER KAREN WEAVES A FANTASTIC TALE THAT INVOLVES HOW SOMEONE BORN IN 1957 IS NOT THREE YEARS OLDER THAN SOMEONE BORN IN 1960...


MY BROTHER AND I SHARE AN INTIMATE MOMENT.


YES, I THOUGHT MY MOM WAS COMING AFTER ME...


LOOK: MARY IS DOING HER BEST MARK IMPERSONATION ...


... NOT TO BE OUT-DONE BY ERNIE WHO STRIKES A FAMILIAR POSE.


I'M HELPING TODD KEEP HIS STORY STRAIGHT.


MARY AND I ALSO CELEBRATED (BELATEDLY) FAVORITE NIECE ANGELA'S 30TH BIRTHDAY. FAVORITE NEPHEW MATT'S (BELATED) PRESENT WILL BE MAILED THIS WEEK.

It was a great night and I had a terrific time. Thanks to all who made my 49.2 birthday extra special. A special thanks to the roasters from afar including Brad Keefauver, Neil Hopp, Ryun Patterson, Fred and Elise Zwicky, Rob Shelburne, Kathy Oliveira and Jackie and Chris Birks.

More later.

Mark

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

A Day of Contrasts



Wednesday morning was just plain weird and probably something worthy of documenting.

I am just not sure exactly what it all means.

On Wednesday, I was in my newsroom "double-wide" cubicle attempting to maintain attention on the work at hand: Revamping the daily news budgets for the big press launch/redesign next week.

My cubicle compadre Ernie Brown, one of The Vindicator's three regional editors, was across from me, spewing lines as the production crew filmed him for the next commercial touting our $10 million press launch and redesign which goes live next week.

I knew I was next in line for commercialization. I had already had my mug shot for the forthcoming return to columnizing. And as I tried to ignore the odd surroundings, my e-mail became another distraction.

Folks back in Illinois – and elsewhere – were sharing the news: The Shaw Newspapers in suburban Chicago – my old stomping grounds – were shuttering their press operations and turning over that part of their production to the Arlington Heights-based Daily Herald.

The newspapers would no longer operate their own presses? Instead, they would job-out production work to their once-foe?

Many immediately thought of me and my decade-plus-long battles with the DH on behalf of Shaw properties both in McHenry and Kane counties. Two e-mailers thought enough of me to independently suggest that had I been already dead, the announcement would have caused me to spin in my grave...

Michael Miner had documented some back and forth between yours truly and Daily Herald Editor John Lampinen back in the day and for some reason Google tells me you can still read all about it here:

Liar! Liar!

LOL! It's still funny... Miner is a great writer.

This is a different era. Heck, Lampinen and I are Facebook friends and I really have a lot of respect for the way the Daily Herald has kept it's act together, especially in these difficult days for the printed medium. Lampinen and Publisher Doug Ray have a lot to be proud of and taking over the printing operations of smaller newspapers is a good step to maintain their dominance in the suburban market and keep their own staffs gainfully employed.

Another sign of the times? The days of little weeklies and smaller dailies working to cut deals with newsprint companies and keeping their operations afloat while maintaining full press and mailrooms are probably gone, especially in a crowded market like suburban Chicago. At one time – in a radius of less than 25 miles from Elgin to DeKalb to Geneva to Crystal Lake – you could find a full, independent press operation in each of those newspaper operations.

By March, that will be a distant memory.

While the revenue metrics of the traditional news media has changed, what hasn't changed is that while print advertising revenue is in decline, it still makes up the vast majority of the revenue in those soon-to-be press-less operations. Fun fact: In 2000, the average newspaper received less than 1 percent of its advertising revenue from the Internet. Ten years later, the average newspaper can expect to collect less than 10 percent of its advertising revenue from the Web.

Which means 90 percent of what you have left is still manufactured for distribution via a printing press.

Smells like newspaper spirit.

This dichotomy is being played out at newspapers across the country, especially those toying with the notion of abandoning the printing press for the digital future. Unless you have a working model to move revenue aggressively in a digital direction – which means you've cracked the atom and know something the rest of us don't – you are still largely a newspaper with a Web site that doesn't collect enough revenue to pay for the New Media team, let alone much of the content.

The smaller your circulation, the smaller your footprint on the Web to start with. The more you cut staff, especially editorial staff members, the less local unique content and the more you decrease your Web traffic. The more you gravitate toward paid content for your diminished Web site with diminished traffic, the more you sacrifice even more audience. As a result, your Internet footprint becomes even smaller.

Quite literally, more and more newspapers resemble a snake feasting on its own tail.

There is a lot of uncertainty out there. The one thing we do know is that newspapers that don't invest locally in their operations face a special peril. So, the irony struck me, as I sat there with the commercial crew feeding me lines for my big TV moment, that five years after leaving Shaw, I found myself once again at a news operation making the brave leap of a multi-million press investment, a redesign, and a commitment to the future, whatever that future turns out to be. Heck, as aggressive as this press launch appears, our Web operation is just as aggressive.

Things have certainly changed in the media world since I became enamored with the notion of knowing the news and being the first to deliver it to others when I was but a teen. More than three decades later, I am watching the digital evolution, but I am less prone to impulsive decision-making and know-it-allism than I was even a few years ago.

Nearly every prediction about what the "New Media" would be since the early 1990's has been wrong. Theories and companies and "best practices" have risen and fallen.

So what's real? Here's what I know: Next Tuesday night, the switch will be thrown on a new press and a new era of The Vindicator will be launched.

More later,


Mark

Welcome to 49.2!


THIS IS WHAT 49.2 LOOKS LIKE!

Age once was a vexing thing.

When you are young, you can't wait to be older. With age comes a drivers license, the right to vote and beers without sneaking into the woods.

That is followed by, in quick succession, career responsibilities, marriage, mortgages and, ironically, old age.

Your entire life is made up of age rules. You have to be of a certain age to watch a movie, rent a car and create a criminal disturbance without gaining the requisite criminal record. It doesn't end there. Want to collect on what's left of your 401k, qualify for Medicare or retire? You gotta be of age.

Worse, you only get one shot at key ages: The 16th year is pretty major, yet you have the same 365 days to master it as you have with 11 or 37. And 21 is pretty important but you are expected to treat it the same as 22. And what about 1? All you have to do that year is learn to walk and talk. And you have exactly the same amount of time to learn all of that as 19 when, really, all you have to learn at 19 is the difference a beer bong and a bong (hint: one one requires a lighter).

Phooey. I have a new solution.

I am done playing by the man's age rules. I've played it his way for the first 49 years and I've decided it doesn't work for me any more. Heck, I've enjoyed being 49, but the man expects me to stop being 49 Thursday. Why? Because some calendar mass-produced in China featuring cats or ducks says so?

Really? Really? Have the Chinese calendar makers won?

Here's what I am doing instead: 49.2.

It's modeled after production rollouts for technology advances. I am simply augmenting my age with an indicator that I've decided again to upgrade 49 with another go-round. Anyone can do this: if you are, say, 38 and you are comfortable with it but would like the opportunity to continue on and maybe even improve on 38, augment 38.1 with a 38.2. Maybe it goes to 38.3.

The key is, your happiness and your comfort level with the age you currently inhabit.

The old fogies out there – the conformists – will insist that I cannot do this. They'll use negative language (words like "fifty") to make the case that simply because they have bought in to the whole age-thing, that I must conform, too.

That's the old way of thinking. I'm still young. I'm 49.2.

More later,


Mark

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I Give 1800flowers The Last Word

Now, you should know there was a whole other confusing exchange in the last 24 hours that led to another confusing chain of events (namely overstating the amount of my refund by $14.99 leading me to wonder what I had actually been charged).

But I think 1800flowers and I have reached détente: I am getting a full refund and a $20 coupon and they just saw me eliminate all financial data and their permission to market to me from their Web site.

In the end, the last word will go to Betty who took the time to respond to yesterday's response to her e-mail:

Mark,

The complaint that I responded to was the one that you stated you had chatted with an agent and had been assured that this would be delivered on Saturday. You had also stated that your order had been canceled at no knowledge to you. I apologize for all the confusion.

Sincerely,

Betty Ellis
HAN Priority Unit Specialist


OK, I WAS tempted to write back and ask what "HAN" stands for... "Hosed Another Numbskull?"

But, for now, I consider the matter closed. All you 1800flowers employees who have visited Mark's World these past few days can move on to new anti-1800flowers rants...

More later,


Mark

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

1800flowers.com Responds! (Boycott Continues)

Well, I finally have AN answer from 1800flowers.com and it seems a tad revisionist and convenient to me. Guess what: They blame the local florist!

In the interests of fairness, here is what I got:

Dear Mark,

Thank you for contacting us.

I apologize that your gift was not delivered as requested. I have reviewed your
order and it never was canceled for any reason. The order was transmitted to
the shop and never were we informed that there was anything wrong with it that
would cause a delay. If we had known there was a problem we would have been
more then happy to rectify the situation. Again, I apologize for disappointing
you.

If you have any other questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact
us at the address listed below.

Sincerely,

Betty Ellis
Han Priority Unit Specialist
bellis@1800flowers.com


My response:

Betty:

Which complaint was this response directed to? The Friday night chat? The Saturday morning e-mail? Any of the Saturday calls? I just need you to pick one so I can further respond to: "The order was transmitted to the shop and never were we informed that there was anything wrong with it that would cause a delay. If we had known there was a problem we would have been more then happy to rectify the situation."

The flowers were supposed to arrive Friday. They did not. I tried to call. You said you were too busy. I did an online chat Friday night. Your rep promised they would be redelivered Saturday. I followed up Saturday morning with both a phone call and an e-mail. A rep promised again they would be delivered Saturday. By 8 p.m., still no flowers and they were supposed to be delivered before 7 p.m. Despite this effort, I had to make at least three more phone calls to get my flowers delivered after 9 p.m.

How many notifications of a problem do you normally require?

Finally, your Filipino representative put me on hold for a while Saturday night to "call" the local florist and then told me she couldn't get through, I made it in two calls (the first was a busy signal). And I arranged for the flowers to be delivered (I think she went on to other problem cases). If I didn't make that call, this would have gone to Sunday. And then more phone calls, e-mail, etc. You and your company have, since Friday, done nothing to respond, other than to send me an e-mail today that raises as many questions as it answers.

Why don't you try apologizing again? This one didn't work.


Sheesh.

More later,

Mark

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Boycott 1800flowers.com!


HOW MANY CALLS, E-MAILS, THREATS DID IT TAKE TO GET THIS DELIVERED?

So, last Sunday morning – Super Bowl Sunday – I jumped online and hit slickdeals.net and read about a great way to score cheap Valentine's Day candy and flowers. It seems Walgreen's had $9.99 heart-shaped boxes of Harry London chocolates on sale for $4.98. On the box was a $20 coupon for 1800flowers.com, where I have an account since I order all of my flowers from there.

Plus, I already had a $20 "Fresh Flowers" program credit. So, for $4.98, I could pretty much secure both flowers and candy for my funny valentine (Mary).

Going to 1800flowers.com, I picked out a bouquet that was normally about $70, on sale. Plus, I got free shipping by choosing Friday delivery (perfect, as Mary was off Friday). After my coupons, including tax, I paid about $24.

Fast forward to Friday: On my way home that night, I called my wife and asked if anything had been delivered. No, she said. So I called 1800flowers.com but was told that because of "heavy volume" my call could not be answered. When I got home, I hit the online site and used the online chat system to talk with a "live person" who assured me that the flowers would be "redelivered" Saturday. Neither the robot I spoke with nor the Web site gave me a clue about the coming apocalypse.

Saturday morning, I got up and hit slickdeals.net again only to find a link to this story:

1-800-Flowers.com canceling deliveries, breaking hearts

The story states:

This year, the company put peel-off stickers on Harry London chocolate boxes, with discounts of up to $20 on a 1-800-Flowers order. It was a savvy offer for customers who were already at CVS or Walgreens to buy chocolate and might be pondering which flower company to use for Valentine's Day. A coupon might tip the scales.

Company vice president Joe Pititto says, "Unfortunately, some people were going to a CVS or another store, peeling all the stickers off boxes – not buying them – and then using the codes online." Worse, some people were going online and selling those codes to other people."


So, 1800flowers.com decided to cancel many orders, including, apparently, mine. Some people got e-mails stating this. Others, like me, found out when the orders did not show up.

Although I had done that online chat Friday night, I called 1800flowers and got a rep and we went through this mess. I made her look up my account to give her an idea of what would be lost if the flowers did not arrive. To settle me down, she said the company would not only make sure the flowers were delivered but half of my $24 fee would be refunded and I would be issued a new $20 coupon...

I expressed my dismay that the online chat and the company's own Web site was less-than-forthcoming about the problem and she promised the flowers would arrive to my satisfaction. Just to be safe: I emphasized that bad things would happen to 1800flowers if the flowers were not delivered Saturday in a follow-up e-mail after the phone call.

All day Saturday, I waited. Mary went to work. I ran errands. She came home and we hit Greek Fest and Los Gallos (around the world in 20 miles). We got home at about 8 p.m. to discover: No flowers.

I went nuts. I got a 1800flowers rep on the phone. She was in the Philippines. As I told her, I have nothing against the Philippines, but I had ordered American flowers delivered by an American company to my American wife who lives at an American address and I was not about to deal with a whole other nation and our various difficulties comprehending each other's accents...

She tried to shift the blame to the American company that should have delivered the flowers by now. I went nuts again: This poor local company only got a last-minute order because stupid 1800flowers had canceled the original order the previous week without telling me!!! She did give me the name of the local company and while I was on hold waiting for her to figure out how to get flowers from Manila to Boardman, I called the local company.

Turns out, they were every bit as sick of 1800flowers as I was. And while they were out delivering and making up for 1800flowers mistakes, their driver got in an accident (we have had more than two feet of snow in the past week). But, she assured me the flowers would be delivered. And we shared some more jokes about 1800flowers.

At about 9 p.m., the flowers arrived. I marked the event by joining the Facebook boycott of 1800flowers.com. And forever more I will use the local florist.

1800flowers.com has lost this long-time customer and I am embarrassed to have ever given them business. To cancel a Valentine's Day order without so much as an e-mail and to consistently deceive people as to the reason why is just unforgivable. I am sorry you were not smart enough to make the coupons nonstackable, but if you make a bad deal, you live with it. You don't take out your stupidity on your most loyal customers or blame the poor local florist who is trying to deal with your mess.

But it is not just about me. Thousands of people got caught up in this mess and had their Valentine's Day marred.

I ask you, too, to avoid 1800flowers and 1800flowers.com. For more details on this scam, go to: BOYCOTT 1800flowers is on Facebook

More later,

Mark

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Funny Human Tricks: I Can't Let Go of That Letterman Stunt

OK, I know when I am obsessing.

And I am clearly obsessing about this surprise "Late Show" ad featuring David Letterman, Oprah Winfrey and Jay Leno.

Frequent visitors know that I sided with Dave and Conan O'Brien over the weasle way Leno muscled "The Tonight Show" back from our fair Coco. And I am boycotting NBC's late-night because of Jay and the sleazy network execs.

Still, this is one FUNNY spot and the Chicago Tribune's Phil Rosenthal has a great piece about how it all went down. Read all about it here:

How Jay Leno, David Letterman and Oprah Winfrey's stunning Super Bowl ad came about

Rosenthal shares some interesting insight from Dave's long-time executive producer Rob Burnett. Burnett said the idea was all Letterman's.

“One of the things I admire greatly about Dave is he runs everything by a simple rule: If it’s funny, then we do it. As you can imagine, there were all kinds of internal conversations about whether this was a good thing to do ... from a PR standpoint. Were we helping Jay rehabilitate his image?" Burnett recalled. "All I can tell you is Dave has no interest in any of this. For him, it was: The network’s giving us 10 seconds on the Super Bowl, we’ve got to do something really funny and we believed this was a really funny thing to do.”

It was an amazing, seminal TV moment wedged in between a lot of mediocre ads and a great game.

I have watched it at least 20 times and I laugh every time. Jay mocking his down-trodden "Oprah" appearance. Dave mocking Jay's voice. Oprah just as she is every time she's with Dave: She plays "exasperated" very well.

Enjoy it again:



More later,

Mark

EXCLUSIVE: Manning Post-Game Interview



Man, that just NEVER gets old...

:)

More later,


Mark

Coolest Super Bowl Ad Ever



OK, I still think Jay Leno is a weasel and I still mourn for CoCo, but props to everyone for that ad for Dave Letterman's "Late Show."

Mark

P.S. The less said about the Boost Mobile Shuffle, the better for all...

Look What I Made!



These are the 4-foot-plus mounds of snow leading to our front sidewalk...

The area is slowly recovering from the shock of weather forecasters being off by roughly 300 percent. They said 4-6 inches. We got locally heavy snow that was up to 20 inches in some spots as the massive storm that rocked Washington, D.C. combined with some lake affect fun from good, old Lake Erie.

Around these parts, I'd say 15 inches was a good estimate. The township plow finally came down our street overnight and screwed up the entrance to our driveway. When were were out recreating our entrance so we could get Mary to work, he came back again! I gave him that steely-eyed glare (you know the look) to keep him from doing it again....

Just five-and-a-half more weeks of this...

More later,


Mark

Saturday, February 06, 2010

Please Rise For Our Bear Nation Anthem

For Mary's Mom: What More Than a Foot of Snow Looks Like

The weather forecasters said we should be prepared for 4-to-6 inches Friday-into-Saturday.

So, when we got home from the Youngstown Phantoms game Friday night, Mary and I worked to remove about 6 inches of snowy beauty from the driveway. Before I went to sleep at about 1 a.m., I checked: The snow had stopped!

She had to be at work this morning at 8 a.m. so we got up pretty early and it was dark but it appeared as if we had gotten more snow.

Maybe another seven inches or so. And it was still snowing.

The Kia took one look at the driveway and politely declined. So, once again we hacked at the snow and made a path to the street which, frankly, appeared to have had just one plow run overnight and all he did was block our driveway entrance.

Soon, we were en route for the less-than-one-mile trip to the mall which was, in a word, "treacherous." No sign of a plow on one of the main streets of the city. The only sign of professional services out in the snow was a cop pulling into the Dunkin Donuts. I am not making that up.

The mall was no better: One path plowed on the perimeter of the mall wide enough for one Kia. I got Mary to work and the employee entrance was not even shoveled. They DID give her a bonus for showing up. Me? I got stuck – twice – trying to leave the mall.

Anyway, here are some pictures of the beautiful images. It could be a 15-incher when all is said and done...


FROM THE FRONT DOOR: YOU CAN SORT OF SEE WHERE THE SIDEWALK ONCE WAS. LOOK FOR IT AGAIN IN MAY!


OOPS! LOOK WHO FORGOT TO PUT AWAY THE DECK FURNITURE!


WINTER'S MAJESTIC BEAUTY, ALSO KNOWN AS OUR BACKYARD.

More later,


Mark
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